Dating Study At BYU Interview Data

I did a study this semester on dating at BYU. I conducted a few interviews, not enough for it to be completely credible but the answers were interesting, and the conversation was gold. I loved it. People generally like talking about their dating life and so we had fun conversations. Here are my findings:

Dating Analysis: Interviews

GIRLS

Dating someone?

1-No

2-Yes

3-No

4-No

5-No

Age?

1-22

2-18

3-22

4-18

5-18

Do you want to be married by the time you graduate BYU?

1-Yes

2-Yes

3-Yes

4-Yes

5-Yes

What age is ideal for you to be married?

1-22-23

2-22-23

3-22-24

4-23

5-?

How many dates have you been on this semester?

1-4

2-3

3-7

4-2

5-0

Do you prefer to date or hang out?

1-Date

2-Hang out

3-Hang out

4-Hang out

5-Hang out

Have you been proposed to?

1-No

2-No

3-Yes

4-No

5-No

Why have you turned boys down?

Not interested, lack of spark, too needy, clingy, stalkerish, wanted different things, didn’t want to lead them on, bad timing

Perceived maturity level in boys at BYU?

Boys are mature but not marriage level, Spiritually mature but not socially mature, Both genders think they are more mature than they are, Boys here are less mature than I expected and I am very disappointed

Have you ever kissed someone without commitment?

No, no, no, no, yes I thought it would lead to something but it didn’t.

What is the intent of a first date?

Get to know each other, see compatibility, have fun, see what qualities you like

Why are people getting married older?

People want to do more and be independent and marriage slows them down, People want to be financially stable and prepare longer for family, People are scared and selfish, From the world view there is no point in marriage and honestly I think the mission age change has had something to do with it, We see marriages that don’t work and marriage isn’t as important we want to focus more on careers

Why have you broken up with someone?

Went on a mission, they bothered me, stopped liking them, I’ve never broken up with someone, I didn’t like who  I was with them, they had a hard time expressing feelings

Would you date someone younger than you?

Yes if they’re mature, Yes, Yes, No, No

Do you think you should always go on the first date unless you feel unsafe?

I usually believe in always going on the first date but I don’t enjoy it much anymore, I am lacking patience because I am looking to marry. Yes, yes, yes, yes

Do you think girls expect too much from guys?

Some girls do but not all, yes, we expect it to be like older movies but it’s different. It’s probably not bad to expect more like to expect what’s in the family proclamation. We expect boys to be smarter than they are and we expect them to think like girls and over analyze but they aren’t made that way. Yes.

Complaints about boys!

  • They’re sometimes really awkward
  • Really oblivious-don’t get it
  • Care too much what others think
  • A lot more guys are more sensitive than I thought. The male persona the world portrays makes boys insecure. This has surprised me. Boys are more emotional than you think.
  • Shallow boys
  • This might be in general to BYU but closed minded. Too mormony for me.
  • People make it too weird too fast. Like the first date means something.
  • People afraid to get to know one on one
  • Social media causes problems
  • Both genders set their mind on specific way people are and applies it across the board and it creates miscommunication.
  • Close minded people
  • Not taking people for who they are
  • Aren’t ready to commit even though they say they are
  • Not asking
  • Wanting girls to do more
  • Lack of communication
  • We just think differently

Points of interest:

One girl came here thinking boys would be more mature because mostly they are returned missionaries and she is really disappointed. It was also interesting that many preferred hanging out first. One girl said that she would like hanging out but then once she’s interested she doesn’t respond well to just hanging out because there is rarely one on one time. They all would hang out first and then seek out dating. One girls wants to hang out first to see if they can be friends and then it will lead to something romantic.

 

BOYS

Dating someone?

1-No

2-No

3-Yes

4-No not yet

5-No

6-No

Age?

1-22

2-23

3-21

4-20

5-21

6-21

Do you want to be married by the time you graduate BYU?

Yes all around

What age is ideal for you to be married?

1-24

2-24-25

3-22-23

4-22.5

5-23-24

6-24

How many dates have you been on this semester?

1-5

2-3

3-7

4-14

5-10

6-20

Do you prefer to hang out or date?

1-Hang out first and then date. Chicks get flustered when they’re not in their natural habitat. Some people aren’t comfortable around strangers so I like to hang out first so they’re in their element.

2-I prefer both

3-Date

4-Date

5-Date, there is less gray area

Have you proposed before?

No, yes, no, no, no, no

Why have you been turned down when dating someone?

  • I’ve never been dumped.
  • I often don’t know, they don’t communicate why but I would want to know
  • Never been rejected
  • Lack of communication
  • Interest fizzles out
  • They were already dating someone
  • No reason they were ‘busy’
  • I once tried to kiss a girl and got rejected because we didn’t know each other well

Why have you broken up with someone?

  • I didn’t like who I was when I was with her
  • I wasn’t happy with her, I was bored. She wasn’t forward with what she wanted to do. So I felt alone in the relationship.
  • She was a downer. Her glass was always half empty. She couldn’t find joy in trials.
  • Not attracted
  • Different goals
  • Not strong testimony
  • She cray
  • Lack of communication
  • Didn’t see them growing together
  • I knew that marriage was the next step in our relationship but I felt like she wasn’t the one and it would be too soon.

Perceived maturity in girls at BYU?

There’s been a maturity balance, girls are pretty  mature

What is your intent behind casual dates?

Have fun, get to know them, bored and want a distraction, develop a stronger connection, see level of interest, see what traits and personalities you like

Have you ever kissed someone without commitment?

No but I wish I have, yes for a game, No, Yes but nothing happened from it because of a fear of commitment, Yes for fun, Yes

Why are people getting married older?

  • Adventure is to be had. A mature adult life comes with a wife and people want to be free for a while
  • Society looks down on women who just want to stay home and be mothers and so women are taking education more serious which leaves no time to date
  • I don’t think this is happening. The guys may be marrying older but I think the girls are marrying at the same age. If it is true then it’s probably because of unrealistic expectations and ‘broflation’
  • Family is under attack, divorce, and our world is so smart
  • Marriage isn’t a pressure socially
  • People are more picky, people want to be more independent
  • People aren’t as quick to settle down, they want to be carefree and single longer

Would you date someone older than you?

Yes, no it would lessen my interest, yes

Complaints about girls!

  • I have thought a lot about this recently. I think the girls haven’t been the problem, but I have been. I don’t want to be committed unless I know she is the one. I think as guys we expect too much. We immediately picture them in a white dress-the end is in mind too early. We start unnecessarily ruling people out because we assume too soon. It’s as much the males fault as the females.
  • Girls aren’t very forward but I’m not either
  • Girls are taught they are Daughters of God which is true but it makes them think the guy has to bend over backwards and if he doesn’t do that he’s not worth it.
  • They lack ability to be honest with feelings
  • Don’t understand financial implications
  • Tell before the 2nd date if you’re not interested!
  • Girls should do more!!!
  • No complaints, we just have different personalities sometimes
  • “I’ve never dated a girl I couldn’t go to the Celestial Kingdom with but our personalities just don’t work sometimes.”
  • Looking for the perfect guy
  • Too obsessed with social class stuff
  • They expect RM’s to be normal
  • They’re too awesome—no complaints
  • Every girl is looking for the next best thing-even when they are dating you.
  • They are vague and don’t tell what they want
  • They put too much weight on dating. They turn one guy down because they read too much into one date.
  • Girls are too nice so they won’t be upfront and they make excuses
  • They are too wary to try

Points of interest:

A few guys questioned if people were getting married older and two guys didn’t believe it. “I’ve never had a bad 1st date with someone I was already friends with.” One guy had an emphasis on being friends first. One guy taught me that the line between hanging out and dating: “hanging out is about what you’re doing while dating is about the person.” I really admired the one guy who had no complaints but instead turned it on himself.

Kameron

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